Little Pieces of Noir
by writer-jm
Summary: A group of random Noir stories because ideas randomly pop up. Contain anything from humor to romance to whatever. Fourth chapter: The Hillbilly Episode! It's surely a sign of the apocalypse! shoujoai!
1. Chapter 1

…. Where did this one come from? Remember how I said I dreamt about "The Illness?" Well, I just woke up and started typing on this one! --;; No joke! (stop staring at me like I'm crazy!)

Well, I really did want to start this 'collection' anyway… What a way to start my Noir fanfiction career! It's comedy, makes sense for me, doesn't it?

This will be the first in a series of random AU or post-anime stories. I've had lots of ideas and nowhere to put them. So this is a catch-all in a manner of speaking.

Disclaimer: I don't own Noir! I also don't own the magazine mentioned here.

As usual…  
Speaking "…"  
Thoughts '…'  
Comments (…)

Little Pieces of Noir: Mireille Models

"Mireille, are you sure you want to keep doing this?"

"Kirika, relax! It's not that bad. In fact, my mother considered doing the same thing."

"Really?"

"Yes, now let's get this over with."

----

(insert entertaining music)

"This is Mary Swinn from the Fashion Insider and tonight I managed to sit down with one of the freshest young women to hit the modeling world, Miranda Beaucamp! This French model completely hit us like a storm when she was signed to do a runway show for the Japanese husband and wife…um…married design team of Setsuna and Minako Aino-Meioh. On the lingerie show's opening night, she prowled up and down the runway and became an overnight sensation, earning herself the nickname "the blonde panther" for her cat-like grace and beauty. Tonight, we get to hear more about the woman herself!"

(cuts to interview room)

The blond woman shook hands with the interviewer before sitting down in the opposite chair. The Corsican was glad she had dressed comfortably in khakis and a casual blouse. She glanced once at a brunette who stood close by protectively. 'She looks like a cute little bodyguard!' Mireille grinned as her partner scanned the studio.

"So, Ms. Beaucamp, are you ready to go?" Mary asked, noticing the minor distraction and noted it mentally. Mireille nodded. "So we know you're from France, thus the accent…" She laughed at her own joke as Mireille pretended to laugh along. "You've said you live in Paris, but where did you grow up?"

"I grew up in Nice with an uncle."

"What happened to your parents?" The reporter asked with unsurprising nosy-ness.

"They and my little brother were killed in a car accident when I was young." Mireille cringed inwardly, giving Kirika a loving glance.

"I'm very sorry…" Mary replied, although it was hard to tell if she was truly sincere. "So how is your Uncle?"

"He died about a year ago." 'Miranda' shot back. "…in a gardening accident." The blond cursed herself. 'That was the best you could do? I knew I should have prepared more…'

"A gardening accident? Oh dear, I won't go into any more details." The reporter looked slightly confused. "Let's move on…" She ruffled a few note cards around.

"So how did you feel about doing "the Swimsuit Issue" last year?"

Mireille allowed a second to recall her answer. "I loved it. Being photographed in a swimsuit shows that I have a lot of confidence in myself, since there's not much material to hide 'problem areas.'" She leaned forward and laughed. "Plus, it was nice to visit the Caribbean. All the locations were gorgeous and the locals were all very friendly." 'While staring at my ass.' She added mentally. "Not to mention, "the Swimsuit Issue" is great publicity and a major event in any model's career. I feel privileged to have been involved."

Mary smiled and leaned forward conspiratorially. "So what about your love life?"

Mireille remembered that Kirika had tried to convince her to say that she was single to protect her from backlash, but… "I'm seeing someone." ...she didn't want anyone to think she was in the market either.

"Really… There have been some dirty rumors about you and your preferences." Mary pretended to have a sympathetic disgusted look. "Reports mention a younger Asian woman…"

Mireille blushed. 'I guess I've been too obvious.' She sighed. 'I might as well since the cat's out of the bag.' "Yes, it's true. I have been involved with a Japanese woman for a couple of years now." She waved Kirika over, who walked over shyly. She stood next to Mireille until the blond pulled her around and onto her lap. She blushed cutely.

"So this is your partner?" Mary leaned over and shook Kirika's hand.

"Yes, this is my little…" There was an awkward silence while the Corsican quickly searched for a Japanese name. They had decided to use a fake name for Mireille to reduce recognition among the mafia and Soldats, but had completly forgotten one for Kirika.

"I'm Sakura Haruno." The brunette quickly threw out.

Mireille nearly hit herself on the forehead. 'The pink-haired girl from the Village Hidden in the Leaves? I knew I should have let her watch Naruto last night!' "We met around the time I lost my Uncle." She squeezed Kirika around the waist and laughed. "She's cute, isn't she?"

Mary obviously looked slightly uncomfortable. "Yeah..." She answered back ambiguously. "I was wondering why she's around you all the time… So how did you two meet?"

"She may not look like it, but she is a master of several martial arts." She put a hand on the girl's shoulder, pride full in her voice. "She was training me when she saved me from these evil men in dark suits. I was instantly smitten." The last part was purred into the brunette's ear which made her constant blush darken.

"I guess this kills the rumors about you and Pierre." Mary looked slightly disappointed at the loss of one of her major rumors.

Mireille's blue eyes were cold. "That 'boy' DARED to insult Kiri… Sakura in front of me, then he tried to proposition me! He never stood a chance!"

Mary leaned back into her seat. "Is that why he's been wearing a cast on his leg for the last month?"

Mireille smirked. "I heard it was a hiking accident." She said dismissively. 'Hiking, until he fell down a flight of stairs in the hotel! Ha ha ha!' She suppressed her giggles.

Mary looked quite nervous now. "One final question: How were you discovered?"

"Sakura and I were shopping for bathing suits for her when this strange blonde and her wife came over and began to ask me if wanted to try modeling. I thought about it for a while and decided to go for it. I later realized that I had talked to _the_ Setsuna and Minako."

Mary looked as if she remembered something suddenly. "What did you do before you became a model?"

Mireille began to sweat. She forgot the answer she had prepared. The first thing out of her mouth was: "Mortician." She wanted to hit herself. Kirika's eyes went wide. She quickly stood up, nearly dropping Kirika, before grabbing her. "Oh look at the time!! We've got dinner reservations across town!" Then, they took off like a blur.

Mary sat there confused. "What's wrong with being a mortician? My mother was one…" Then, she shrugged. "Crazy lesbian model."

----

(At the Swimsuit Issue Shoot – this year)

The fuzzy-haired photographer was mumbling to the producer. "So why is a lesbian and her girlfriend going to be put in the 'famous husband' section of the issue?"

The blond woman next to him chuckled. "Times are changing. The 'famous husband' section is becoming the 'famous spouse' section. This way the world famous "out" model can share the spotlight with her girlfriend."

The photographer sighed. "It's just a little new to me I guess. I've taken pictures of two girls who are friends before, but knowing they're in love makes it kind of different."

They watched "Miranda" bring a skimpy, white bathing suit to "Sakura." The girl blushed violently. "You want me to wear that?" When the blond nodded, she shook her head in response.

Mireille just grinned evilly. "I want the world to know that I have a really hot girlfriend! Now it won't be that bad! It'll be over real quick." The blond inched forward.

In response, the brunette backed up a step. Once again the blond moved forward again. Kirika dodged to the side as Mireille lunged forward. Then, the Japanese woman took off.

"You'll get tired eventually!" Mireille called out as she began the chase. They began to laugh out loud. Eventually, Kirika stumbled (impossible, I know, but go with it) onto the sand. Mireille tackled her and they shared a kiss.

Kirika's resolve melted. "Okay, but what about my scar?" They were walking back to the dressing area.

"They'll deal with it. You're a martial artist, remember?" She wrapped her arms around the smaller woman before whispering: "Besides, I'll never forget that moment when you showed how much you cared for me."

The producer smiled. "Cute, aren't they?"

"Yeah…" The photographer began to ponder a proper backdrop for the couple. "They deserve something special."

----

The photo shoot ended up being in front of an open window with gauzy white curtains fluttering in the wind. "Miranda" was in a light blue two piece and "Sakura" ended up in the skimpy, white two piece. Mireille stood behind and to the side with her arms around Kirika's waist, a hand lovingly lingering on a scar on the younger girl's side.

End

Sorry for being so short and random, but I wanted to get this finished before I got distracted by homework again.

If there is a Fashion Insider, I don't own it. Although, I wouldn't be too surprised if there was.

Also, the name Sakura Haruno is a complete rip off of Naruto (I don't own it either). Why did it pop up? They both like blonds! (heh heh)

Is it just me, or does 'Inner Mireille' remind me of 'Inner Sakura?'

Review if you want. Thanks for reading!


	2. Chapter 2

Yes this is a Sims chapter…

Tukuyomi is to blame (in a good way of course). She kept talking about putting her favorite shoujo-ai couples into this game (Sims 2) and acting out scenarios. I became highly curious to the point of purchasing said game.

Here's the result... after about 3 failed attempts of trying to make the perfect Noir simulation. Tukuyomi went about creating the apartment. I took the lazy route and just took a house. Oh yes, and beware the romance aspiration! Much heartache lies in its wake! (I'm sure experienced players will understand)

So ultimately, this chapter is dedicated to Tukuyomi. She might be the only one who enjoys or understands this chapter, but… this is just a way of saying thanks for helping me to waste more time instead of doing silly school work! Not to mention, making my world a little more shoujo-ai friendly! (bows to Tuku)

Warnings: Expect complete Out of Character this time. It could be quite bad! Hopefully, it's funny enough to float… Should I even mention shoujo-ai? If you're in the Noir section and looking for straight romance… you are beyond help.

Disclaimer: I don't own Noir! There's little I'd have to change, except for a completely happy ending for our two ladies of death. I also don't own the Sims…

As usual…  
Speaking "…"  
Thoughts '…'  
Comments (…)

Little Pieces of Noir: Sims-Life

It had all started out very nice. Kirika and her moved to a house in a small suburban neighbor hood. They got out of the taxi and looked at their new home.

Then, things got weird. Kirika wrapped her arms around the blonde's neck and began to fiercely kiss Mireille. 'When did Kirika get this passionate? Isn't she supposed to be shy?' She noticed the comfortable angle of her neck. 'And when did she get as tall as me?'

As Mireille stumbled back, she decided that kissing wasn't too bad. She decided to overlook it, not to mention enjoy it frequently.

The next weird thing was the house. As they went inside, they noticed it was empty. She sighed. 'Looks like we've got a lot of work to do.' Then, in a blink of an eye it was full of unfamiliar furniture. It was nice stuff for sure, but the Corsican did not recall paying for any of it. Once again, she decided not to look a gift horse in the mouth and went with the flow.

Other strange problems arose as time went on. Time seemed to literally fly by each day! Their cooking skills seemed to be completely forgotten to the point of threatening their very survival. Even worse, the meals no longer seemed to satisfy them. Their memory became erratic where they simply left things in the middle of rooms for no apparent reason.

It would have been unbearable, if it weren't for the beautiful brunette who shared her every waking moment. They had survived assassins and trials before. Now, they had to survive spontaneous fires, a limited wardrobe, and rapidly degenerating hygiene.

For one thing it was still relatively peaceful. Kirika began to paint once again and look up at the stars through an expensive telescope. Mireille began to read more and re-learn how to cook. They had an intense desire to live together successfully and learn more everyday. 'It might work out after all. Now if I could just understand what the hell we're saying!'

Communication was difficult true, but these two had been used to expressing their feelings without words for a long time. Added to their bond was their newfound (and bold) expressions of love. They held hands, kissed frequently (even in front of their new neighbors), and they danced together (badly).

Mireille even attempted to serenade Kirika with her shaky voice. At the Asian's poorly disguised un-comfortableness, she vowed to show her love in other ways, such as hugs, caresses, and kisses. They maintained a sweet, loving relationship.

However, even this changed. One day, Kirika decided to watch some television after dinner. As Mireille washed the dishes, she decided to join her partner. As she sat down on their expensive black couch, she looked over at the brunette. Her heart swelled with love. She just had to cuddle with the love of her life. She scooted over, ultimately ending up in the girl's lap. Brown eyes widened in surprise, at first, but she quickly grew to like the closeness. Mireille smiled. Kirika returned it. The blond noticed a twinkle in the other woman's eye. Then, her partner flipped her onto her back and kissed her passionately.

They began a 'slightly warm' make out session as the TV blared on, which was instantly tuned out. Time seemed to cease to exist; that or it moved on quickly ignoring the romantic scene due to Father Time being a lonely, inconsiderate bastard…

As they grew tired, Kirika decided to read before they went to sleep. Mireille took a shower. As she lay next to her partner, she swore she heard a voice in her head ask: "What the heck is a 'WooHoo?'"

She felt her inhibitions and anxieties fly out the window (which had a nice balcony). Kirika's hand went into hers. They looked deeply into each others' eyes. Then, they jumped under the covers. Fireworks went off as the covers shifted around! Then, they fell asleep with hands joined once again.

As they woke up, still deliriously happy, they smiled at each other and went to eat breakfast. While Mireille did the dishes, she noticed Kirika slinking out the back door wearing a swimsuit. Mireille promptly forgot the dishes and changed into her own bikini. 'I always figured Kirika to be a one piece kind of girl… Oh well, she looks great!'

They cuddled and talked about art and other things. Unbeknownst to each other, both women had been on each others' minds all morning… as well as WooHoo.

Mireille heard the voice inside her head again: "What a pair of nymphos! They're still sweet though…" Then, she felt Kirika kiss her again. Once again there were fireworks… in a hot tub.

Even though they were in an unfamiliar place, they were together and quite happy from the way they smiled at each other.

Kirika tickled Mireille after dinner. She then kissed her way up the blonde's arm just like that one fanfiction she had read.

Kirika went up to the bedroom to "read." Mireille went up to find out what book she was "reading."

For a final time, Mireille heard the voice inside her head as she jumped under the covers. "There they go again! What am I supposed to do with you two? You're supposed to be productive citizens or something!" Then, there was a pause as Mireille wrapped her arms around her partner. "Well, I guess I'll just let them be happy." Another pause. "'I wonder if I could get Mireille a job as a model?"

End

Okay, so this might be my worst chapter ever, but I had to get it out of my system. I wouldn't expect another Sims moment from me again!

It took me 5 hours to figure out how to make two women living together as lovebirds… I finally figured out you needed two adults and make them "married/joined." Once again, I ring true blonde, Risa-chan!

Hopefully, this does not destroy your faith in my writing ability. It seems the least popular stories take the least amount of time to write, so I'm not going to expect much.

Thanks for reading this brave souls! I hope I got at least a giggle from you! Review, if you wish!


	3. The Valentine's Contest

This is the result of a near Christmas conversation. Okay, somehow Tukuyomi and I decided to do a Noir Valentine's Day challenge… It's a first for me, so I'm kind of nervous.

For this challenge, we really need your feedback! We both decided to be as sickeningly sweet as possible. We want to give you cavities! Please pick the sweetest and fluffiest of the two, so we can declare a winner! It's just for fun, but we need your help! Remember, vote only once! You can review both, but clearly state which is the one that is fluffier!

Disclaimer: I don't own Noir! However, Tukuyomi and I are planning to join BeeTrain! (I wish!)

As usual:  
Speaking "…"  
Thoughts '…'  
Comments (…)

Valentine's Day Challenge: Sweet Gifts

Mireille sighed. It was getting harder each day to ignore her growing feelings for the cute brunette she was sharing her apartment with. Her attraction was also getting harder to hide. 'Where do you run when you live in such a small apartment?' The Corsican grumbled to herself good-naturedly.

Truth was, she loved being around the Japanese girl. She loved her. She loved the cute little squeaks that came from her mouth when Mireille did something unexpected. She enjoyed every little smile that she coaxed from the quiet girl. Her heart beat faster every time the girl said her name with that cute little accent. 'I've fallen so hard for her. I'm just like a school girl!' She giggled to herself, which was most unusual for her.

Kirika, who was cleaning the dishes from lunch, peered out of the kitchen confused at the noise coming from the blonde. 'Is something going on? Does she know?' The Asian carefully examined her partner, making sure she wasn't noticed. 'Something's going on…' She felt a moment of panic. 'Does she know I'm planning something?'

Secretly, the Asian girl was trying to plan a special surprise for the beautiful blonde. However, the only Valentine's Day ritual she was familiar with was from her stay in Japan. A girl would make chocolate and give it to the boy they liked. She watched many girls do this each year; however, there was one girl who gave hers to another girl. She was a shy, dark-haired girl in the Science club named Honoka. She had stayed up late making chocolate for a redheaded girl named Nagisa. She remembered them sharing a kiss later after school.

Kirika wanted to give Mireille chocolate, but the blond wouldn't leave her alone so she could work. 'Not that I wouldn't mind regularly, but… I need some time alone so I can make her present!'

Then, the Corsican spoke. "Kirika, I'm going out…to…get my hair done and pick a few things." She paused anxiously, expecting Kirika to ask to go along. She was surprised when all she was received an accepting nod. Mireille noticed the sweet girl looking distracted, but decided that it could wait. She patted the girl on the head and gave her a quick smile. The girl blushed and gave her a small smile in return.

Kirika sighed as the door closed. 'Now to work!' She used the speed and concentration she had developed from her work as an assassin to gather her ingredients. The book she used was a source of a great many of her and Mireille's favorite recipes, so it would definitely work.

As the chocolate slowly began to form, her mind drifted to other thoughts. In the few romantic movies she had watched with Mireille, there was always music in the background as they confessed. She was trying to think of a way to acquire romantic songs. Then, she remembered Mireille downloading on her computer! (Disclaimer: Illegal in the U.S., by the way!) She looked at the chocolate, which didn't seem to be going anywhere and went to the computer.

She sat down and tried to think of a romantic song. 'I don't know any!' Frustrated, she sighed. Her sharp mind began to work it out. 'Where would someone hear romantic music?' The brunette's returned to the romance movie. 'At a wedding!' She blushed as she thought of Mireille in a wedding gown. She shook herself out of her daze. 'I have to concentrate! Mireille's perfect Valentine's Day depends on me!'

She slowly managed to retrace the Corsican's technological steps and search for songs that were popular for weddings. 'Mireille… dressed in… so pretty! Focus!' The first site she came to had the best songs for wedding receptions. 'That'll do.' She picked the most popular one and started the download. She sat back and relaxed as the computer began to work.

Kirika's senses were top-notch; fine-tuned for survival. Her nose alerted her brain that something was burning. "Oh no, the chocolate!" She panicked, making a break for the stove. A small fire had broken out where the chocolate had sputtered out into the flame and caused it to ignite the nearby recipe book. Kirika instantly had the extinguisher in hand and put it out.

Her heart broke as she noticed the damage to the stove on which she had lovingly prepared so many meals for Mireille. The black smudges on the surface made it obvious that the stove would have to be replaced. Kirika imagined her partner would be quite upset with her for being so careless. She picked up the phonebook and hoped someone would be able to deliver a replacement.

----

Mireille hummed to herself as she walked down the streets of Paris. Couples were everywhere! Tourists had flocked in from around the world and even normal Parisians were being sickeningly romantic with their loved ones! A few single guys tried to pick up on her, but she snubbed them with a cold shoulder. 'As if they had a chance! I guess they can't recognize a lesbian! And besides, Kirika is devastatingly cute!'

She was a little surprised to see a few ladies try to pick her up. One brazen woman, who was also cop, handcuffed herself to Mireille! "What's your favorite color?" The black-haired woman asked with a sultry voice.

Mireille answered: "Red; the color of my girlfriend's eyes! Now let me go, so I can buy her a gift!" The Corsican blushed. 'Kirika isn't my girlfriend… yet.' She smiled as the officer released her, pouting. The woman promptly attached herself to a dark-haired American that caught her eye. 'She recovers quick.'

Her plan was simple. She would buy some roses and groceries and then have a romantic dinner with Kirika. The sweet girl always worked so hard on their meals that she wanted to make something special for the girl she loved. 'I love her!!' She giggled as she thought of kissing her partner afterwards. The look of surprise on her face would be priceless!

Mireille decided to get the groceries first, so the flowers would be fresh and not get crushed while she was shopping. She knew that there were plenty of seasonings at the apartment, so she needed to get to get the other ingredients. The blonde was happy to find some pre-sorted salad ingredients! 'I'm terrible with slicing up vegetables! But Kirika makes it look so easy.' Her love-sick mind drifted off to images of Kirika dressed like a chef, covered in flour. Then, she entered and kissed the cook. Her attention was misplaced as she grabbed a bag and threw it into her basket. She wasn't sure what she wanted to prepare for the main course. After some deliberation, which meant trying to think of the foods Kirika enjoyed, she picked up some lean chicken. There was a recipe book that Kirika loved to cook from that she had looked through. It would have something special in it.

----

Her partner put the receiver back down. She had been unable to find someone who would deliver a stove on Valentine's Day. In fact, many of the stores were closed! She knew she would have to face Mireille's wrath. 'And it was going to be so perfect…'

Kirika's heart fell as she noticed what had started the fire. It was the remains of her favorite cookbook. Tearfully, she tossed it in the garbage. 'So what do I do now?'

She sat at the window and tried to think of something she could give to Mireille. 'I wish I knew more about French customs...'

As she looked out her window, she noticed a couple of women across the street. She casually opened to window to hear what was they were saying.

"I'm so glad to be in Paris with you, Fleur! It's so beautiful here!" The bushy-haired brunette said to her blond companion.

"Not as beautiful as you, 'ermione." Fleur spoke in accented English, as she caressed the other girl's face.

"I bought something special for you." Kirika's eyes and ears strained to see what the English girl was giving the other girl.

"Thank you, 'ermione!" The Asian girl could see the blonde's smile from here. "I love strawberries almost as much as I love you!"

"I love you too, Fleur."

Kirika watched them kiss passionately and continue down the street. 'Strawberries? Would Mireille react like that to strawberries?' She figured it was worth a shot.

She grabbed her coat and took off out the door.

----

Mireille walked out of the grocery store, nearly floating on cloud nine. 'I can't wait to see her reaction!' She carefully made her way to her favorite florist. The kind old man always had pretty flowers. She had bought them for a couple of girls at high school, though they didn't seem to understand that she had a crush on them. And this was at an all-girls' school! 'Well, I always liked the cute, dumb ones…' She laughed at her young crushes.

At the entrance of the florist, she noticed an elegant girl with dark hair handing a bouquet of roses to a blonde girl, obviously her girlfriend. She responded with a blush and hug. "Thank you, Chikane! They're beautiful!"

"Himeko…" The other girl said, as if life couldn't get any better. "I love you." Then, they proceeded to make out in front of her.

Mireille blushed. 'I want to do that!' She thought as she went into the shop. "Hello, J---. I'd like a dozen of your finest roses!"

His cheerful response: "That young lady just bought the last ones!"

Mireille's smile fell apart. "What?!"

The cheerful owner repeated his answer assuming the blonde was having hearing problems. "There are no more roses!" He yelled. 'Poor thing; losing your hearing is difficult. I know!'

Mireille sighed. 'Well, it isn't the end of the world…' She perked up. "I'll take a bouquet of wildflowers." The florist smiled and began to work on her arrangement.

A few minutes later, she left the shop with a somewhat avant garde piece of botanical art. 'He's losing it…'

----

Kirika rushed into the grocery store. 'Now where are the strawberries?' She knew Mireille would be getting home soon. She found a nearby attendant. "Valentine's strawberries now!"

The young man, who was formerly glad to be working on Single's Awareness Day, was now questioning that joy. This young Asian girl managed to inflict the fear of God into him. His spine dissolved as her eyes bored into his, speaking of unnamed horrors to be inflicted upon his person if he did not supply the right answer. "A-aisle two!" He squeaked out, as if he was going through puberty again.

He managed to relax as she disappeared, as if she were a ninja. 'Thank goodness she's gone! She was scary!'

The Japanese girl quickly scanned through the aisle. 'Where are they?' She saw a package of the red fruit and grabbed them. She dashed down the aisle (and did an awesome flip over an old lady) and quickly paid for it. 'Now back to the apartment!'

----

Mireille opened up the door to her apartment, expecting to be met with a cute smile from her partner. She did not expect to return to a burnt stove and empty domicile. The groceries and bouquet hit the floor. The blonde began to panic as she performed a search of the apartment 'Where's Kirika? Did she get burned? Did she have to go to the hospital?' Tears formed in her eyes. 'I've got to find her!' She went for her gun as she wanted to be prepared for anything.

Then, she heard the door open and a familiar, soft voice. "Mireille?"

The blonde let out a sob when she saw the girl unharmed in the doorway. She wrapped the girl in a tight embrace. "I'm so glad you're all right! I don't know what I'd do if something happened to you!"

Kirika shyly spoke again. "I'm sorry for ruining the stove…" She nuzzled into the blonde, silky mane.

Mireille felt her heart begin to pound. Her Japanese roommate's nose was tickling her neck. She pulled the girl back and delivered a breathtaking kiss. Well, for Kirika it was more like a world-shaking kiss. As she let up for air, she whispered: "I love you, Kirika."

The girl blushed, but responded quickly with: "I love you, Mireille." They shared another quick kiss. Then, Kirika's stomach grumbled quietly.

Mireille grinned and tapped her on the nose. "So cute! I know the stove's messed up, but I've brought home salad mix." She bent down to pick up the sack. "What?! This is Mesquite Barbeque! That's weird." She pondered for a moment. "How about we call for some take out?"

"Chinese?" Her new girlfriend asked. The blonde picked up the phone. Kirika knew it would take a few minutes for the food to arrive. She decided to give her gift now. As her partner hung up the phone, she shyly offered up her gift.

"For me? How sweet!" Mireille opened the package and fed one to her new girlfriend, who accepted it eagerly.

As Kirika chewed, remembered her earlier internet acquisition. "Mireille, I downloaded a song for us to… dance to. Would you like to dance with me?"

"Of course!" She went to the computer and swiftly found the new, unnamed file. She managed to get it play and wrapped her arms around the other girl.

(insert AC-DC's "You Shook Me All Night Long")

Both girls blushed as they began to hear the English lyrics, but the rhythm was still fun to dance to. Mireille asked her: "Why did you pick this song?" She asked with a suggestive purr.

Kirika blushed deeply and hid her face in Mireille's shoulder. "The internet said it was popular at wedding receptions…" (Author: true fact!) They continued to dance for a while, until there was a knock at the door. As Mireille answered the door, Kirika picked up the flowers. "For me?" she asked, uncertain.

Mireille was sheepish. "I wanted to get you roses, but…"

"I love them," was the quiet reply. The girl managed to find a vase and placed the flowers onto the table. They began to eat the fresh food, swapping shy glances across the table. Surprising, it was nice not to have to worry about so many dishes after dinner. It gave them more time to cuddle on the couch.

Mireille leaned over to whisper into Kirika's ear. "This was my best Valentine's Day ever." Kirika nodded sleepily. The blonde loved how cute her partner looked. She turned off the television and carried her to bed.

Kirika sleepily changed into her pajamas and crawled into bed with Mireille. The younger girl wrapped herself around Mireille, laying her head on the Corsican's shoulder, whispering: "I love you."

"I love you too." The blonde watched her partner sleep for a while before joining her in unconsciousness.

End

Bad? Cheesy? Horribly sweet? I'm hoping for option 3! Remember read Tuku's story and tell us which one's fluffier or more disturbingly cute!

We'll announce the results…somehow. Probably on our author's page in a couple of weeks!

Notes: Nagisa and Honoka are from Pretty Cure. Hermione and Fleur are from Harry Potter. Chikane and Himeko are from Kannazuki No Miko. And the crazy policewoman is for a friend, who happens to be the one caught second!

Review! We'll appreciate it!


	4. The Hillbilly Episode

Oh my stars and garters… I planned to try something true to the series, but this idea was a little bit hard to ignore.

Sorry for the atrocious accents and numerous incest jokes. Let's just say I have a full understanding of… (Okay, everything I say about this going to sound creepy… So let's just say I'm from the South – U.S., okay?) I'll also try to translate a bit for those who probably will have no clue what they're going to be saying.

Warning: These ladies will be so out of character… You might want to hang me over a boiling pit of lava after this one!

Speaking "…"  
Thoughts '…'  
Comments (…)

Disclaimer: I don't own Noir. If I did, there would be an OVA where they get to finally kiss! (Everyone else had their chance, didn't they?)

Little Pieces of Noir: The Hillbilly Episode

(Somewhere in the hills of Kentucky)

A blonde-haired, blue-eyed girl was standing on her front porch, playing her fiddle (a.k.a. a violin). Her coveralls were cut off above the knees with a sleeveless flannel shirt. Her golden mane was free and wild. In short, she was a fine southern flower. Even more appealing, she had all her teeth.

"Ah think it's about time ah settled down and found me a purty wife!" She set her family heirloom (and most important device for getting a blue ribbon at the county fair) back into its case. 'Ah might have to charm her a mite (translation - a little bit)…'

----

(On a front porch not so far away)

A girl with fuchsia (or darn near purple) hair was carving a human likeness out of a block of wood with one of her numerous knives. Next to her, an expressionless brunette stared out into the forest. The fuchsia-haired girl (It's Chloe, all right!?) watched as a drop of sweat rolled it's way down her sister's face descending into near visible cleavage.

Chloe licked her lips. 'Thank God, we're adopted. I don't know how much longer I can hold back!' The knife-wielder carefully disengaged herself from her artistry to sneak over and tackle a cute sister she desperately wanted to smooch.

As she dove forward, Kirika (who else?) twisted to reach an apple she had brought for an afternoon snack. Chloe pulled the grass from her mouth and groaned.

Concerned, Kirika came to check on her, leaning over her. 'Now's my chance!' Chloe carefully faked a twitch that sent the brunette falling on top of her. Both girls let out an "oomph." 'Bad idea; nice result.'

Her 'sister' blushed at their proximity, faces inches apart. Chloe began to close the gap.

"Oh mah stars! Are y'all ("you all") all right?" Their 'mother' (graciously played by Altena) gathered her girls into her arms, pushing their faces against her bosom. "Mah darlin' angels! Ah don't know if ah could live without y'all!"

Both girls struggled, but their momma's grip was legendary. She was originally planning on becoming a nun, but quit when she learned she couldn't keep her shotgun… or her girlfriend.

Unfortunately, Altena's girlfriend had been shot during a deer hunting accident. (Her last words: "Ah musta had the world's best camouflage!") Now, their mother cuddled with them at night. Sadly, this meant Chloe had trouble getting alone time with her sister.

The woman in question suddenly released her grip, sending the girls back to the ground. "Oh, right! Ah was about ta tell ya about the town social they're a havin' tonight." She smiled, showing off the blank space where her incisor used to be; she had lost it while cleaning her guns (Hard to explain, trust me…). "Ah get to show y'all off to everyone. And to tell them to stay the Hell away from ya, cause y'all're (trans. – "you all are") mine!" The girls shivered as their momma laughed.

'Maybe there's such a thing as too much motherly affection…' Chloe thought before her and Kirika's faces were reapplied to Altena's modest bosom.

----

After another interesting bath session with her adoring sister, Kirika felt refreshed. She put on her best blue dress (think Dorothy from Wizard of Oz) and put her short hair into pigtails. (Too cute, I know!!) She waited for Chloe and her mother to bring forth the mules and wagon.

As she tried to sit down, she jerked back up as two opposing hands returned to their owners. 'I wonder if this is normal family behavior…'

----

Mireille smiled when the audience applauded as she finished her latest song. It was a sad song about her having to shoot her favorite hunting dog for biting her uncle. It still brought a tear to her eye. Mostly because the first shot hit her uncle. She decided to pick it up a notch, so she signaled for the band to play an up beat one.

She played, happy to be the center of attention. Surely, a worthy candidate would show up tonight. Otherwise, she'd have to visit a big city… The thought made her shiver. She continued to play, showcasing her talent. Then, out of the corner of her eye, she noticed a wagon pulling up late. Altena was a familiar sight. The woman had been interested in her for years. But the cute pair of girls with her was new. Her heart fluttered when she noticed the brunette with pig tails. She felt all warm and fuzzy inside, like when Mary gave her flowers the day of their graduation… from the fifth grade. 'There's somethin' familiar about her.'

----

Chloe noticed the blonde fiddler giving her sister 'the look' (signaling that she's interested in her). She knew she'd have some competition for her sweet Kirika's attention with the curvaceous musician around. 'How to get her away from that woman's sight?' She pondered for a moment before arriving on a decision. "Hey sis, do you want to go check out the food? I hear Mrs. Cromwell makes a mean apple pie!"

Kirika gave her a sad look. "But what about the pretty music?"

Chloe frowned, but decided to go with it. "How about we dance?"

Kirika nodded with a slight smile as Chloe bowed and took up the lead. With a skip and a hop, they joined the dizzying crowd of dancers.

Altena stuck her thumbs into her belt loops and swelled with pride. Her little spring flowers were in full bloom. She noticed more than a few eyes glancing in their direction. 'Looks like I'll be needing 'ole Bessie.' She affectionately patted her favorite shotgun before loading it with shells.

Across town, the mortician felt his hands itch.

----

Mireille's grip tightened on her fiddle. 'How dare that little brat get in my way!' She managed to finish the current song without making any mistakes or committing acts of violence. She noticed that the target of her affections was being drug towards the refreshment table by the competition.

As Mireille quickly made her way towards the cute girl, she was a major point of attention. She had made it a point to dress up for tonight, wearing her most expensive red dress. She even bought some lipstick. Unfortunately, she got interrupted before she could put it on her top lip.

So, in essence, she looked even more attractive tonight than usual. This turned out to be quite frustrating as she pushed past all six of Ole' Man Johnson's sons and daughters, all clamoring for her attention and affection.

Once she got over to the food table area, she noticed the girl with odd colored hair trying to feed the other girl a piece of pie. Then, they took notice of her standing there close by.

She immediately offered her hand to the brunette. "Hi, ah'm Mireille. Ah haven't had the pleasure of meetin' ya."

As the shy girl took her hand, Mireille drew it in close to kiss (something she heard that her charming French ancestors did). This drew a cute blush from the girl. She managed to quietly reply: "Kirika."

"Well, ah'll be! You're the cutest little lady ah ever did see! Would you like to dance?" Mireille's heart thundered in her chest like boot heels on a wood floor.

Kirika felt butterflies swoop around her stomach like barn swallows, but she managed to nod. She felt strange new feelings for the lovely fiddler. Kirika knew that she wanted to spend more time around the beautiful girl. There was also some memory trying to free itself.

Overjoyed, the blonde pulled her back to the dance floor. 'She's an exotic beauty; maybe she's part Indian (Native American)?'

The girls only had eyes for each other as they skipped around the dance floor. Love was blooming and not everyone was happy.

'Why that thievin' (thieving) harlot (bad name, probably a prostitution reference)!!' Chloe thought angrily. She carefully fingered the handle of her favorite knife. 'Okay, so now Mr. Pointy and the blonde need to meet.'

-----

Altena looked up from her plate of chicken to notice that her eldest adopted daughter was tearing up the dance floor with Mireille. 'First, she turns me down and now she's tryin' to steal one of mah girls! That hussy! (another term for a woman of low morals)'

Altena decided that it was time to take action. She smiled as she noticed Chloe was moving in from the other side to help defend her sister's honor (possibly a reference to dignity, reputation,…or virginity - your choice). The look of anger was new from her normally placid daughter.

----

During a particular slow song, Mireille smile widely to showcase her complete set of teeth. Then, she leaned in and softly kissed the surprised girl. The girl slowly began to respond.

The crowd surrounding them had different reactions, half were "Aw! How sweet!" Others replied: "Aw, dammit! Mireille's off the market!"

Another purple haired girl stopped from slicing up flowers to pout. "At least I got to kiss her once in the series!" (I'm sure at least one of you can identify this cameo) "Hey! You aren't going to let them know who I am? I'm –" A tree branch miraculously broke and fell on top of the girl, knocking her unconscious.

As Mireille pulled back (and quite possibly removed her tongue), she noticed that Altena had closed in and was hefting her shotgun. 'Oh crap.' Then, she felt the knife to the back of her throat. 'Double crap!' Kirika looked up into her eyes, concerned.

"Kirika, step away from that harlot! She was supposed to be your new step-ma! Ah didn't figure she'd come after mah daughter though." Altena said in an even tone.

"C'mon, Ma! I wanna poke her with my knife! She can't get away with stealin' my Kirika away from me!" She paused to blush. "I mean, steal her from us."

"Chloe, ya gotta move so ah can get a good shot with ole Bessie!" Altena switched off the safety, signaling that she was ready to shoot. The purple haired girl wisely moved to the side.

Kirika, seeing that her dancing partner's life was on the line, threw out her arms and placed herself between her mother and the blonde. "Don't hurt her, Ma! I love her!"

Mireille's jaw dropped. "You love me?" The little brunette turned halfway around and nodded.

Altena pouted. "But how? Y'all two couldn't have met before!"

Kirika sighed. "We did. It was five years ago before we left for Tennessee, just a couple of years after you adopted us."

-----

A smaller Kirika was pouting at the large oak tree. She wasn't tall enough to retrieve her cat, Davy Crockett, who was trapped in said tree.

Suddenly, she heard a rustling behind her. Out of the bushes, popped a slightly taller, older girl. She was really pretty with long blonde hair tied into pigtails. The blonde noticed the plight of the girl's cat. "Want me to help get your kitty out of the tree?"

Kirika blushed and nodded.

Mireille smiled showing off her pretty teeth (a girl like this can be really hard to find if you're in the right place), before beginning a quick climb. In just a couple of minutes, the courageous blonde coaxed the cat out of the tree and dropped down to the ground.

Kirika grabbed her cat happily. "Thank you." She blushed brightly before leaning over to kiss the other girl on the cheek. The blonde just froze and watched as the cute girl ran back towards home with a smile on her face.

Mireille felt her heart swell. "If I ever see her again, I'm going to marry her!"

Behind the tree, Kirika smiled softly to herself at hearing those words. 'Then, I hope we meet again someday.'

----

There was a collective "aw" from the crowd. Mireille blushed brightly.

Altena scratched her chin. "Whatever happened to that cat?"

Chloe quirked an eyebrow. "He "ran away" after we forgot to feed our guard dog."

Kirika decided to get things back on topic. She looked into Mireille's blue eyes. "Were you kidding when you said you would marry me if you found me again?"

Mireille paused for a moment. 'I am looking and she's the cutest, sweetest girl ah ever did see.' She nodded. "If you'll have me..." (trans. - "if you want to")

Kirika let out an uncharacteristic squeal and leapt into her arms.

Chloe yelled out: "I'm not going to allow this! She's my sister and she's mine!"

Altena silenced her by pressing the poor girl into her bosom. The new couple turned to look at her. "Ah may not completely agree with y'all bein' together and all that, but ah've never seen her look happier. But if you hurt her, ole' Bessie will be the last thing you ever see." Mireille and Kirika smiled and went off to the dance floor as the band picked up again.

Chloe flailed helpless in her dear mother's arms. Altena sighed. "Ah'll miss her too. Too bad, ah was hopin' once y'all were old enough… Well, ah still have you, sweetie pie." She noticed that her daughter had stopped struggling. "Aw… She's all tuckered out (tired or asleep). Ah guess it's time to get her home and in bed." (can you guess what caused Chloe's lack of consciousness?)

Mireille and Kirika danced until late in the evening.

----

(a short time later)

Mireille and Kirika were dressed in their finest dresses and standing on Mireille's front porch. The blonde picked up the light brunette bridal style (hint, hint) and kicked open the door. "Welcome to our new home!" She looked into her humble, yet modest abode.

On their way to the bedroom, they heard something clinking around in the kitchen.

"Hey, daughter-in-law!" Altena said from standing in front of the stove. Chloe was slicing up some vegetables. "There was a leak in our roof and we knew you'd put us up from the kindness of your heart."

Chloe looked slightly sadistic as she chopped excessively at an obviously deceased vegetable.

Kirika shifted in the blonde's arms to give her a kiss. "Welcome home." She smiled, which made things seem not quite that bad.

Altena spoke again. "Y'all better keep it down tonight. Ah'd rather not have ta sick ole' Bessie on ya."

Mireille sighed. 'There goes the honeymoon.' Kirika giggled quietly and kissed her again. 'But she's still mine.'

End

So was that quite painful for you? I turned 3 assassins and their matriarch into hicks. Should I prepare my anti-riot gear?

I do hope this was funny for someone. I just wanted to do something different with these ladies. I think that's the purpose of this series in general; creating odd situations for the cast of Noir. And adding in some odd romance along the way.

Thanks for reading! Review if you're feeling friendly!


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